Cultivating the Whole Heart
By Debra Moffitt
Many of us have been going about love half-heartedly. Instead of looking for love and true partnership, whether we’re conscious of it or not, many of us have been seeking someone to help pay the bills, someone to have sex with, or simply
someone to fill up the time and keep us from feeling lonely. But over time we’re destined to become conscious, awake to our deeper callings and experience whole-hearted Love.
Obstacles abound and most of them are within us. If we’ve not practiced the art of self-inquiry about our responsibilities, strengths and failures in past relationships, then we’re probably not entirely conscious of our patterns and what we’re currently attracting into our lives.
For example, a friend recently declared her goal to attract a wealthy mate. But she complained that the men she dated were using her. Other women rely on their physical appearance and yet feel offended when they’re treated like pinups. One of the spiritual laws, “like attracts like,” means that these women will likely attract partners who are also looking to fill similar desires. But these skin-deep desires are unlikely to foster enduring, meaningful relationships. Self-awareness is essential.
It’s not easy exploring the inner terrain of one’s psyche. A few years ago, I recognized my own neediness, and when I did, I stopped dating. For six years I lived with myself, delved into my heart and explored why I’d attracted previous partners. Past relationships had been marked by lack of love and little emotional connection. What about me was attracting that type of man? I knew that I was better off alone than being with a man who didn’t respect and love me. Then, in a moment of deep insight, I realized it had to start with me. I had to make the first step and learn to love and appreciate myself first. I had to begin to connect emotionally with myself before a partner could connect with me.
This may sound easy on paper, but it actually requires serious effort and hard work. Part of the process meant that I had to really look at myself--my weaknesses and strengths--and know, accept and love myself. I realized that I kept repeating unhealthy relationship patterns that I recognized in my parents. I explored the facets of myself that I didn’t like and I found the parts of me that were strong and beautiful. This process happened through listening to my inner voice and respecting it. Writing in a journal also helped me to see clearly. Paying attention to dreams and talking with close friends also helped. Then I brought it all together. I began to love the whole me with my whole heart. This doesn’t mean I’m perfect. I’m a work in progress like anyone else. But that gives us the room to make mistakes.
A whole heart can heal itself and also give freely to others without being needy or suffocating. When a woman feels full of Self-love, she will naturally attract a partner who values her as much as she values herself. She will also be in a place of acceptance and love for her mate and this will allow both of them to grow. When both partners love and accept themselves, this provides a safe, healthy place for a relationship. In other words, two whole-hearted people will create a whole and healthy way of relating. But in relationship equations, if we have only half a heart the two halves do not make a whole.
The inner work that leads to healthy relationships is not easy. It means being deeply honest with one’s self about past relationships, about what worked and what didn’t. It means taking responsibility for your half of the situation and no longer pointing the finger to blame others for all of the mistakes that led to the break. It also means taking time to go inside and explore those hidden injuries from childhood and maybe even from past lives. These scars can make us hold our hearts closed when we desperately need to open them in order to heal. When we connect with ourselves and with others on all levels, it offers an opportunity to become whole inside ourselves and in our relationships. It requires effort and commitment from all parties, but the time and energy results in the creation of a rare gem: the happy heart.
By Debra Moffitt
Many of us have been going about love half-heartedly. Instead of looking for love and true partnership, whether we’re conscious of it or not, many of us have been seeking someone to help pay the bills, someone to have sex with, or simply
someone to fill up the time and keep us from feeling lonely. But over time we’re destined to become conscious, awake to our deeper callings and experience whole-hearted Love.
Obstacles abound and most of them are within us. If we’ve not practiced the art of self-inquiry about our responsibilities, strengths and failures in past relationships, then we’re probably not entirely conscious of our patterns and what we’re currently attracting into our lives.
For example, a friend recently declared her goal to attract a wealthy mate. But she complained that the men she dated were using her. Other women rely on their physical appearance and yet feel offended when they’re treated like pinups. One of the spiritual laws, “like attracts like,” means that these women will likely attract partners who are also looking to fill similar desires. But these skin-deep desires are unlikely to foster enduring, meaningful relationships. Self-awareness is essential.
It’s not easy exploring the inner terrain of one’s psyche. A few years ago, I recognized my own neediness, and when I did, I stopped dating. For six years I lived with myself, delved into my heart and explored why I’d attracted previous partners. Past relationships had been marked by lack of love and little emotional connection. What about me was attracting that type of man? I knew that I was better off alone than being with a man who didn’t respect and love me. Then, in a moment of deep insight, I realized it had to start with me. I had to make the first step and learn to love and appreciate myself first. I had to begin to connect emotionally with myself before a partner could connect with me.
This may sound easy on paper, but it actually requires serious effort and hard work. Part of the process meant that I had to really look at myself--my weaknesses and strengths--and know, accept and love myself. I realized that I kept repeating unhealthy relationship patterns that I recognized in my parents. I explored the facets of myself that I didn’t like and I found the parts of me that were strong and beautiful. This process happened through listening to my inner voice and respecting it. Writing in a journal also helped me to see clearly. Paying attention to dreams and talking with close friends also helped. Then I brought it all together. I began to love the whole me with my whole heart. This doesn’t mean I’m perfect. I’m a work in progress like anyone else. But that gives us the room to make mistakes.
A whole heart can heal itself and also give freely to others without being needy or suffocating. When a woman feels full of Self-love, she will naturally attract a partner who values her as much as she values herself. She will also be in a place of acceptance and love for her mate and this will allow both of them to grow. When both partners love and accept themselves, this provides a safe, healthy place for a relationship. In other words, two whole-hearted people will create a whole and healthy way of relating. But in relationship equations, if we have only half a heart the two halves do not make a whole.
The inner work that leads to healthy relationships is not easy. It means being deeply honest with one’s self about past relationships, about what worked and what didn’t. It means taking responsibility for your half of the situation and no longer pointing the finger to blame others for all of the mistakes that led to the break. It also means taking time to go inside and explore those hidden injuries from childhood and maybe even from past lives. These scars can make us hold our hearts closed when we desperately need to open them in order to heal. When we connect with ourselves and with others on all levels, it offers an opportunity to become whole inside ourselves and in our relationships. It requires effort and commitment from all parties, but the time and energy results in the creation of a rare gem: the happy heart.
Check out Debra's latest publication
Garden of Bliss
The Secret Garden: A Gateway to Reviving the Feminine Spirit
Journey to your secret garden, a protected place of the spirit and imagination where you can connect with your emotions, trust your insights, and rediscover peace. Garden of Bliss begins on the French Riviera where Debra Moffitt, despite her glamorous European lifestyle, feels empty. Realizing that financial success doesn't equal happiness, she looks inside herself and decides to make some changes. Join Moffitt on a transformative path, inviting you to manifest this metaphorical secret garden in the physical world. Find personal growth both inside and out as you connect with the divine feminine through nature. If you choose to explore your garden of bliss, a world of adventure opens within this sacred inner place of wisdom.
www.awakeintheworld.com
The Secret Garden: A Gateway to Reviving the Feminine Spirit
Journey to your secret garden, a protected place of the spirit and imagination where you can connect with your emotions, trust your insights, and rediscover peace. Garden of Bliss begins on the French Riviera where Debra Moffitt, despite her glamorous European lifestyle, feels empty. Realizing that financial success doesn't equal happiness, she looks inside herself and decides to make some changes. Join Moffitt on a transformative path, inviting you to manifest this metaphorical secret garden in the physical world. Find personal growth both inside and out as you connect with the divine feminine through nature. If you choose to explore your garden of bliss, a world of adventure opens within this sacred inner place of wisdom.
www.awakeintheworld.com